random facts and confessions: part 1

Schucks, it was a long time since I wrote here. I’m not really sure if it’s something I’m really going to keep up with so bare with me. I’m writing a fucking book at the moment. It’s not about you and it will probably be out in a million years. To ease the suspense I’m going to keep publish these very very random and very very boring facts and confessions so we can have something to talk about when the silence gets uncomfortable. You know it will be at times. This is day one.

*When I turned nine I got a gift certificate. I bought two Garfield books and the Judas Priest album “Screaming For Vengeance”. I remember it rained in the parking lot. And in my soul.

*I can pinpoint down to a second what was the most horrible moment in my life so far.

*I once made my mother cry on Christmas Eve.

*My mother is a better writer than me.

*I did not age well.

*This is my favourite picture this year. I don’t know why.

vacation snapshot #1

I pass a rather severe burn-victim on the street. He may be a couple years older than me though it’s hard to tell with all his facial features rather erased. He has a puppy and talks to a couple of friends. They’re all laughing. I’m not sure but I don’t think I’ve laughed once today.

dumb? dumb as a fox.

In our recurring (and frightfully dull) series of tourbuses, I today reveal that Xzibit’s ride isn’t very pimped. See what I did there? Connecting a second of my life with a tv-show popular among the young-uns? I’ll be expecting your vote for grandpa of the year.

That’s it. I’m off for beers and friends and generally screwing the economy. Envy me.

this should happen more

Ha. When you’re a seriously unfunny piece of shit you really should learn to deal with whatever repercussions your unfunniness may bring you. This guy do not. I could write pages on what else this guy is doing wrong but, to misquote Ralph Waldo Emerson, sometimes a punch is better than a thesis.

Now Playing: Minor Threat - Guilty of Being White

I was hesitant to post this due to it’s horrendous suckiness and the fact that I’m not that crazy about posting wacky youtube-videos in some ironic haze. However, when this clip hit about 2.21 hilarity ensued to such levels I knew this was one for the books. Enjoy your racewar, shitheels. “In a real fourth reich you’ll be the first to go”

dry mouth monday

Nothing much to say today. Everything in this world that needs to be said has been said by Klaus Kinski. God bless you, crazy person.

But words - words are not enough!
Klaus Kinski

Even looking at the ocean is not liberty. It is like a wounded bird looking at the sky and saying, Why are my wings broken?
Klaus Kinski

Faster! Can’t you see there is someone behind us? Why do you go so slow? Just go!
Klaus Kinski

Fun? There is no fun.
Klaus Kinski

I am like a wild animal who is behind bars. I need air! I need space!
Klaus Kinski

I don’t need anybody to tell me how to be alive.

Klaus Kinski

I felt like I was breaking out, breaking up, receiving everything, every moment, even things I did not see. There is no turning back from this.
Klaus Kinski

I knew there were, in myself, the souls of millions of people who lived centuries ago; not just people but animals, plants, the elements, things, even, matter. All of these exist in me.
Klaus Kinski

I never said money is freedom! I said money buys freedom. BUYS! What does that mean, money is freedom? This is ridiculous: Money is freedom. It means nothing.
Klaus Kinski

I sell myself for the highest price. Exactly like a prostitute. There is no difference.
Klaus Kinski

I was walking through the streets of Paris. I started crying, because I could look at a man, a woman, a dog, anything, and receive it-there was no difference between physical and psychological.
Klaus Kinski

It is true what Rimbaud said; If you think a book is strong enough, try it at the ocean, in the wind, at the waves. If the book can resist the ocean, then it exists. Otherwise, throw it away.
Klaus Kinski

Once, I took a taxi. I hate those limousines. They stink and their drivers have been driving dead people to the cemeteries.
Klaus Kinski

People who do not see the terrible things therefore do not see the beautiful things, either.
Klaus Kinski

Put a bird cage near the window so that the bird can see the sky? It’s much better to look than not to, even if it hurts.
Klaus Kinski

Sometimes my heart hurts so much, I beat it with my fists. I try to run. But you cannot run from this. It waits for you. Even when you think you have escaped it, it is there.
Klaus Kinski

The dimensions of my feelings are too violent.
Klaus Kinski

The truth is, I can never die. For I will be in everything and see you in everything and watch over you. I am your reaction in the water of a mountain lake.
Klaus Kinski

The ultimate acting is to destroy yourself.
Klaus Kinski

They hammer, they hammer; it is unbearable. That is why you have to go away. They hammer everywhere! They hammer in your brain! Hell, these idiots, they come with their hammer, where people are sitting, to hammer!
Klaus Kinski

What does that mean, this word entertainer? Entertain what? Who?
Klaus Kinski

Where a beast would have claws, I was born with talent.
Klaus Kinski

Why did all that happen to me? Why was I not a bird on the ocean? Instead of this?
Klaus Kinski

You leap over the wall of one ghetto and find yourself in another ghetto.
Klaus Kinski

You, you don’t talk. What is it you want to say?
Klaus Kinski

where the fuck am i?

Dears,

I know I’m pissy at times right now. I don’t mean to and I try not to but my brain is shooting worst case scenarios into my heart like a fucking nailgun that I can’t shut off. Sometimes I have a problem paying attention and sometimes I forget the great stories you tell me.

I don’t mean to and I try not to. I hope you’ll keep telling me them.

I imagine better days even though I really shouldn’t because today, today is way better than I, or anyone, deserve. I don’t thank you enough for that. And I’ll keep this short because I’ll see you all out there. Some of you sooner than others but I’ll remember to give you a hug. Thanks for listening. I miss you. And me.

Yours //B.

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I know I’m in a bad way because I can’t even find this shit funny, still I stop in my tracks to take photos while I’m late for work? Fuck a Saxon.

——————————————–

Then again, there might be hope. Buddy.

notes to start off the week (yes, one day late. anyway, you shouldn’t be visiting so often. your loved ones miss you)

While the hangover has kicked and suckerpunched this lame excuse for a physique into another week it’s now apparent that’s it’s going to be one of apocalyptic raining and storming. I don’t really mind, though it does seem to make the mentally ill seek shelter in the comforting arms of our bookstore. As I’m writing this one of them is staring straight into one of the walls. Good.

Anyway, it seems like I’ve got enough of hoo-hahs, giggles and fah-fah funnies to last the week. For one thing, it appears that the new Palahniuk book I wrote about a few scrolls down will be impossible to put down (though I obviously put it down just now to write this. Maybe it won’t be as good as I thought. Could it be? Nah, it will be fine). Secondly, the new Patton Oswalt comedyvaganza-cd “Werewolves and Lollipops” is high-larryious. It’s out in a couple of months on Sub Pop but I’ve heard that the internet is giving it away for free. Could it be? I will also try to find the time to listen to Jen Kirkman’s “Self Help” that I’ve heard good things about.

And so, in other uninteresting news I’m glad I spent the weekend on the balcony with fine beverages and some barbecue. It all started out very well on the way home when I spotted a Jesus-fish on a car. You don’t see these very often in Sweden and I did take it as a sign. I had visions of feeding the hungry (me), the blood of Christ in many many bottles and spiritual conversation. Things were looking up for me.

Later, with Jesus and fishes in mind, good friend Jahman popped over and good times commenced. You should visit his blog. He knows about sneakers and t-shirts and hip hop and art and clubs and girlie cocktails. Later this evening, I put a spell on his dick and thus leaving it worthless to this world. That’s what you get for leaving the party early. I’m sure Jesus and fishes would’ve felt the same way.

Not to be confused with Jahman’s wang, the sausages we put on the barbecue were enormous (tsk tsk tsk, I really can’t make a better sausage-joke? I can. But I won’t).

After that I, thankfully, forgot to record myself being drunk, foul-mouthed and vulgar. In other words, great dinner-company and a conversationalist of rank. I also forgot to thank Jesus.

in the sign of the octopus

My love for the octopus is a never fading one even though my tentacled culinary obsession lately has overshadowed the fine animal’s significance in the context of conspiracy theory. I once even released a record by the bestest rockband on the whole big earthy, The Robots, that dealt mainly with the latter aspect (I think).

So, blow me clockwise if I while searching for a new dining-room chandelier didn’t come across these creations by photographer Adam Wallacavage. I think they’re fantastic and you, you’re sending me $10.000 to buy one. For more (and better) photos of these, check out the April issue of Juxtapoz.

i’m a happy pappy

I know you all are dying of anticipation for me to tell how the weekend went and, yes I’m proud to say, the annual rapefest is over. Did well figuring out my taxes though I owe a shitload of money but I’m all, like, whatever…

The weekend took a turn for the better by (1.) Enjoying a nice meal and blinding drunkenness in the company of wife and good friends. (2.) Receiving an e-mail telling me that the new Chuck Palahniuk book “Rant” is out. I’m a huge fan so that’s good news. To top it off, his publishers has put up this awesome looking website for the book http://www.Rant-Book.com. It may be the coolest flashsite ever. Dude.

Anyway, this week I’m going to re-read some Chris Ware comics and be kind to my loved ones. Probably pet a puppy and, you know, smell some fucking flowers.